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At our second Wild Fig in-person board meeting, we gathered at a retreat center just outside Boston and discussed where we thought we might be as a Network, five, ten, or twenty years from now. “We will have made a lot of mistakes,” someone offered. Of course. What organization can say their first five years went without a hitch? Most can’t even make it one month. I added, “but also apologized and did things differently the next time.” That addition came from the pain of my own experiences with organizations that made the inevitable mistakes but then covered them up, became defensive, or denied they happened, or said it was all in another person’s mind. That’s the response of an organization that fears losing power, wants to maintain control, and prioritizes image and reputation over people—but that’s not the kind of organization Wild Fig Network wants to be.
Our Exec. Director Eugene likes to say, “We move at the speed of trust,” which, as you might guess, means sometimes we move really slowly. Sometimes, we stop being “productive” so that we can be present with each other. At our next in-person board meeting, some of the women shared feeling overlooked and rushed into a more male-centric way of organizing. Instead of pushing those concerns aside because we had “work” to do, we stopped and talked through the concerns and how we might proceed differently so that the process felt equitable for everyone. At another point, during a discussion around the ways our cohorts might be comprised, I was rightly called out for white saviorism, prompting me to sit back and take a hard look at the way I was thinking about the issue.
Moving at the speed of trust means making space for honesty, constructive feedback, and reflection, even and especially when it’s hard and challenges our “normal” way of doing things. It means we don’t push forward and run over someone else’s experience or ignore the internal work that is so important, especially for those of us who are used to holding power. It means that we make mistakes, but we don’t squash them down like they didn’t happen, so we don’t lose our place in the agenda. Instead, we hold those mistakes out in the open, deal with them, apologize, and do things differently the next time.
As a board, living into our stated values (like humility, mutuality, relationships, and inclusion) means we have not had the most efficient process. But love isn’t efficient. Trust isn’t efficient. The hard process of reflecting on our own baggage and asking ourselves where we need to change and grow is not in any way efficient. But it’s the way I would choose over and over again.
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